Many years ago, as a newcomer to Sweden, I was trying to register for a language course. The lady behind the desk asked me, “What courses would you like to register in?” I was shocked and stunned: I had never before been asked what I wanted.
I had always been reminded of what I did not want.
Giving choices in our communication and having choices for being clear is my point. We can learn new skills and stop wasting time with this “back-door” policy.
We need to learn:
To express our wishes, hopes, and dreams in direct words, gently without offending or devaluing others.
To be able to say what happened, when it happened, and how it happened, and what are the concerns.
To use direct and clear language with our children.
To remember the fact that we model this language for our children; indirect language causes difficulties in problem solving for everyone.
To differentiate between our own needs and those of others: family, children, parents, relatives, and whomever else we are relating to: I want, I need…
To answer questions in positive terms but still be able to say no if we do not like something.
To say sorry if we have made a mistake, yet, not apologize for being the direct person we want to be.
We need to learn that:
Clarity in our communication prevents harm.
We are safer when we admit we are in pain or that we fear something.
We do not need to be superheroes.
We can be happy for who we are and how we are. We do not need to find excuses.
Sometimes we use too much sarcasm, put down others, and make trivial jokes in order to make a communication happen.
We can complain about everything if we want, yet, we have to be aware our way of communicating. In a conversation, do not transfer your negativity; instead be the positive energy that you expect to receive from others!
May 31, 2007