Easily Offended Syndrom

2012-12-27 13.03.56

A new mental health issue in our super sensitive world: Easily Offended Syndrome

Have you not met those people who get offended by all and anything you say? If not, have a look around and you will find those people easily.

Angry husbands, nagging wives, high maintenance family members, or anxious friends are those individuals who possibly will be easily offended by anything you do or say. However, if these easily offended individuals are in power positions, then those who “offend” will get serious consequences. Worst comes to worst, as soon as these easily offended individuals manage to silence others simply by using various excuses such as a belief systems to their assistance. This latest, putting the belief systems in pedestal and rising flags for it to make a point, is a dangerous – manipulative game that easily lead to wars and conflicts.

Individuals who get easily offended tell you: Do not talk to me, obey my rules, and shut down, or else. Easily offended syndrome has numerous symptoms that should be explored: Acting defensive, using violence, anger and rage, playing victim role, using guilt trips, blaming, and controlling is what these easily offended individuals do to get attention.

If there is no other way to quiet you, then these easily offended persons would blame you for acting against them, religions, profits, or / and god. Basically, it does not matter what you say nor do, these people can judge you quickly, get offended easily, scare you, violate you, and rule over you since they need to be in control. Easily offended individuals know best.

But who get easily offended?
• individuals with low self-esteem, low self-worth, and low self-confidence,
• individuals who would not take responsibilities for the short comings or wrongdoings,
• individuals who were raised to be god and not less than, perhaps suffering from some narcissistic personality characteristics,
• individuals who are delusional, in-congruent, irrational, and super sensitive,
• And individuals who are neurotics, in fury, and hateful towards others.
What is the treatment for this illness? The real treatment would be promotion of respect for diversity and communication.
Hopefully justice and respect for human rights can be the governing forces in our world, consequently the easily offended individuals would not be able to lead, rule, or demand silence. Open dialogues without fearing these easily offended individuals are the real answer.

Poran Poregbal, MA, RSW, RCC


“Then nobody liked me”

Last words shown by Amanda Todd in a video, a young 15 year old year who committed suicide due to a horrific act of bullying. She was bullied for years and she suffered silently. The story has caused much pain and guilt feeling for her community and everyone here in British Columbia, to the level that B.C. Premier Christy Clark had to convey a message about the issue. Amanda could not take it any longer, while questions remain why people around her, school teachers, or counsellor whom she saw could not see the killing pain in her. As an outsider we like to be assured that those who saw her on a daily basis did what they could, however it is sad to say that they missed the signs. With the amount of pressure on a young person’s mind, bullying and fear of being ridiculed constantly is the most horrible assault someone can take. Bullying is an organized crime that the offender may not see the consequences of. Bullying seems to be involved with the power imbalances and abuse. Bullying occur everywhere with no regard for race, age, gender, or ethnicity. Bullying kills and that is a fact.

The loss of Amanda Todd is a hard lesson while it happens once in a while. Bullying is a challenge and struggle affecting young souls, while this is a problem not only for school authorities but parents and people involved in a young person’s life.
Some parents may not recognize the behaviours of a child and they misinterpret the signs that are often number of them out there. Parents of a bully and a bullier are both victims of not knowing how to raise their children and youth with a healthier personality. Victims of bullying often suffer from lack of self esteem and self appraisal, why Amanda made the disaster of interpreting the abuse with lack of self worth.

Amanda gave us a piece of lesson with those cue cards she used in her posted video; she explained the whole process of crashing someone’s soul, from beginning to an incomprehensible end.
She wrote on those cards what occurred and how this never ending negative and damaging cycle took her life. Throughout her story explained with individual sentences and often words tighten to one another, she was hoping for an angel to arrive and save her. There are many Amanda’s out there. There must be numerous girls / boys in Amanda’s age and situation who do cry for help out there, therefore adults around them should know better.

We need angels out there. Education will do it.

Not only teacher education but also Parent education is a must and should include developmental stages of a child’s life to adulthood. May she be in peace now.

Poran Poregbal, MA, RSW, RCC.



Banning women from life, does not work anymore.

These useless men in the shaking filed of power in our beloved home country do not know how to walk on their toes any more. Just these days we hear the news that Islamic government of our country in prison, banned women from 70 university programs. This is well another effort to remove women from the social life filed. However does it work?

Not only they have killed, raped, burned, stoned, slashed, and put down our women in the past 32 years of their malicious existence, but also they try to terrorize women from existing in all areas of life. All the intimidation, punishments, killings, and brutal actions against women in Iran have only made women to become more resilient, stronger, and more willing to ask for change. Iranian women is not afraid of any treats anymore, this is a reality that these stupid men deliberately try to ignore.

The hardships that Iranian women and also men have experienced will never stop them from willing to change their situations. The governments as such may be in power with help of all their weapon or coercive forces on the streets; however adversity and censors will only encourage people to be willing to learn more and to discover their rights. Appetite for education and life skills among Iranian women have never been this much on the stake, this is why these sick minded men who think they are in charge try to yet again push women backwards. Women in Iran turn out to be the most the intelligent and flexible beings; they know how to ignore these nonsense rules and bans.


Mass Shooting in Colorado

Mass shootings are occurring here and there. Once in a while, we see those painful images with the shocking news that someone has opened fire on random victims. These stories are being repeated too often while most attention goes to the immediate response to a chaotic situation. Innocent people lose their life because the offender acts on his (seems like mostly men) anger. What was he this angry about so he could kill people for? Why this much hate?

All the profiling of the offenders can be interesting to watch on the documentaries, however how could that knowledge help authorities to prevent such tragedies? Surely, we cannot know what is going on in people’s head. Now in the case of mass shooting in Colorado Theater, the mother of this young suspect shooter James Holmes reportedly said something like” You came for the right person.” What did the mother know and how would she have been able to prevent this from happening? What was going on in his head to be able to do such a horrible crime? I guess the major question is “why, “whereas even knowing the motive for such crime does not help the pain and suffering that families of these victims are going through.
The scary news of shootings in schools and public places, freezes us for a while thinking where are we going to be safe. If people can be killed in shopping malls, schools, universities, and theaters, then where is safe? Main question is why these shootings happen? I guess there is no real and easy answer. May the victims and their families find some peace soon.


Despite Traumas; Seek the light

There are hopes and dreams while the level of uncertainty and ambiguity is high in the Middle East. The oppressive forces inflict more pain, as much as they are capable of, in order to stay in their blood draining hunt for power. Ordinary people are hurting due to loss of jobs, bad economy, careless actions by their governments, and internal conflicts.
Looking at Iran only, there are endless stories of trauma, tragedies, and suffering almost everywhere we turn to. A friend just coming back from a month visit in Iran is talking about how many stories of suicide she heard, how many young people she or someone she knew who had committed suicide. Young people scream for freedom while this scream is being suppressed badly and harshly. Obviously helplessness, hopelessness, and frustration are issues that many of us Iranians are now dealing with, more than ever before. What are the options really?
Daily and extensive human rights violations in Iran do influence us Iranians around the world; however people living in that big prison called Iran, are the one who are paying the price. The danger of war that the regime of Iran would love to have just adds to the pouring rain of tragedies on our people’s head. On the other hand, the request for freedom and the need for free voices have never been this noticeable.
For us, outside, although we are reading the news in the comfort of our homes, still frustration, disappointment, and fear are the real emotions we experience all the time or most of the times. On the other hand we read research results clarifying the relationship about stress/ depression/ abuse on people’s life. It is unfortunate that none of those researches can even touch one inch of the reality that our people are dealing with. In the west we talk about the relationship between our physical and emotional and psychological health. How about the psychological health of a nation who are kept hostile in the hands of most brutal men for 32 years?
Now what is the solution really? Listening to the daily stories of unfathomable implicit and explicit traumas is the salt on an open wound. However, we need to listen to one another in order for offer the other support, who else is supposed to do that if not us?
Would Prayers and positive energy help then? What would help?
I guess seeking support helps while we have to know where we come across that support. Most importantly is that we keep finding networks and groups that are helping us breath fresh air. We need to belong and we need to feel we can do something, even in the smallest scale. Get into groups and break the cycle of isolation maybe that is the first step. Despite all the odds, we have to survive, we have to seek the light that is inside us, the light of hope and the light of resiliency.


Critical Thinking

Critical Thinking is a decisive skill that has to be taught from the early ages. While critical thinking is pertinent to our daily life, it is not accepted or encouraged in dictatorships or oppressive systems. Still today in 2011, people are being told what to think and how to think.
Years ago, once searching for graduate school I realized that most universities offered a course called: Critical Thinking. This blew my mind. Along that line, in one of the courses for my graduate studies, we had a professor who at the end of each session would suggest readings while wishing us a “happy creative thinking.” To me, this was incredible, I kept telling myself, how could my thinking become happy or be creative at all while I was dealing with internal and external forces of oppression?
I came to think that no one had ever encouraged me or us for a happy thinking. While I was suffering from the fact that my countrymen and women were being killed at the same time in my home country because they were critical thinkers, here I was challenged to become overly critical of our compound planet.
I would look around and check for the critical thinkers in my surroundings. While people had that skill, yet their voices were low, they had almost no energy of thinking deeper, or they were hiding in the corners of each justified avenues for silently talking about the injustice in their home country. I could see that oppression had taken over critical thinking.
I had to gasp for breath when I recalled how our people have always been discouraged and punished for being critical thinkers.
Obviously, critical thinking for us Iranian is intertwined with fear, intimidation, harassment, and punishments. Now with the western movements such as Occupy Wall Street followed by a whole range of Occupy places, we would think that our younger generations are showing their potential for critical thinking by demanding for reforms. Perhaps our younger, multicultural, social media generations have learned to be critical thinkers in the school of hardships and in the aftermath of poverty and injustice.
However, still it is significant that universities and academic institutions around the world offer critical thinking courses and keep encouraging people to actually thinking critically.
Surely, our current situation in the world requires critical thinking for finding new creative ways in dealing with the most challenging issues in our human history. Human being is without a doubt thirsty for widespread humanity, peace, freedom, respect for everyone’s rights, and justice more than ever before. We need to question the status quo while offering a platform for the new ideas.
Thinking critically could become a habit, a source of gathering strength, a way for expressing the self, a method for organizing one’ thoughts, an avenue to download what is bothering, search for answers and new ideas a plan for next actions and a structured way of hoping for change.
Therefore, critical thinking is entangled with the freedom of speech and human rights.


About the Report on Censorship in Iran

Searching twitter, I came about to see a twitt and then report that startled me for a moment.
Not that there was anything wrong with this report: no, it was painfully true. Who does not know about the ugly reality of censorship in our home country? Who does not know about our young people doing anything to have access to internet or to find little information on the internet? Who does not know how many brilliant Iranian people are trying to use all the anti filtering systems they can in order for themselves to check their facebooks, see their emails, and surf the internet?
This wonderfully written report opened up a different view on how our Iranian life is changing. “Cultural Censorship in Iran – Iranian Culture in a State of Emergency” is a must read report by writers from Small Media Foundation, July 2011. Find the report through this link: http://smallmediafoundation.com/

Past 32 years of our Iranian life, we have been hearing and witnessing the worst unbelievable stories of censorship, harsh punishments, human rights violations, and life worsening conditions that are everyday life in our home land. Now, reading this report on censorship, you get a holistic perspective on the unimaginable impact of these censorship on people’s mind-body-soul, while our future generations are at risk of not learning anything about politics, history, science, and so on.
Hope there would be more research and reports on the psychological impact on the trauma of not having rights to access information. Human rights include having access to information about our world, besides internet and access to computer is today on new aspect of our human life. So what is going on in Iran and the scope of censorship is truly beyond conceptualizations.
The extremists, who are able to censor people in large back home, are trying to poison people’s mind here in our town like everywhere else Iranians have fled to. Have you noticed the number of places being opened so called mosques or more fashionable names such as cultural centers? Well, god knows how much the filtering and suppression, and false information is being shared in these places, just because the regime of Iran has only one commitment which is border less: censoring our culture and heritage. And guess what, without culture and heritage, we have no identity, and without identity, we lose our minds.
Read the report and find it yourself.

Reference: Khalaji, M., Robertson, B. $ Aghdami ,M.(2011). Cultural Censorhip in Iran, Iranian Culture in a State of Emergency. http://smallmediafoundation.com/


Present Yourself With Dignity

There are many people who either exaggerate in presenting the self or at times mislead people in creating an image that may be their ideal yet not the reality. This is an existing problem in our community and at times concerning. In our filed: There are some people who walk around and call the self “counsellor” without having proper education or training in that area. There are those who call the self as a “psychologist” just because the person has a BA in psychology or any other subject, and so on. This illness of calling the self as something different or bigger, or using fake verbal presentations on the self, is widespread in our community. The problem is that big that at some point you want to puke when seeing people who really got the delusion of being whatever they call themselves as. In the line of our work as clinical counsellours, I recognize these fake identities all the time just because we tend to know one another in our community, besides, as soon as someone opens their mouth, they show their level of professionalism. Unfortunately we have those individuals in our communities who present themselves as mental health professionals while really they do not have those qualifications. Who get’s hurt here? For sure those “clients’ who go to see the promised “psychologist” who indeed has a BA in something. What happens to the clinical treatment on that person? Well, clients report to us how they are mistreated by these so called doctors or psychologists who enjoy finding the respect that our community has for those professions, misrepresent themselves. This is a nasty heritage we have in our culture, all those fake people who pretend being leaders in one or another way. Who can stop them? Well, i hope that the professional boards would recognize these misrepresentations by fake people and stop our clients being hurt more.


Imapct of Public Excecutions in Iran

No one can ignore the fact that our Iranian life, anywhere in the world we live in, is impacted by the news about / from what is going on in Iran.

With all evidence, the horrors in Iran continues so does the influence of these scary news on our minds. Not only, the number of public executions and hangings in Iran have increased, so does the number of crowd watching these scary scenes. This recent trend of being excited for death and darkness intertwines with how human right violations are all normal part of a much challenged life in our Iran.

Recently we heard the horrible news of how a large crowd of people gathered to watch the public hanging of 17 years old boy in the suburb of Tehran. This hearth braking news might highlight just a glimpse on how the brutal regime of Iran is exposing people to violence more than before.

The pictures that were broadcasted through the media, shows all men being excited for public execution of a young boy. Where is our humanity? What happened to our Iranian way of forgiving and being kind? Perhaps we have lost our aptitude for life, compassion, and humanity long time ago. For sure, consequences for this level of viciousness and repulsion are more that we can estimate.

What is the psychological impact of this level of exposure to killing and brutality like this on our future generations?

Just to guess some of the consequences is to question:
How could people be this De-sentiszed to pain and suffering?
What these watching crow (men) for these violent scenes be possibly be capable of?
How these men who enjoy watching death are treating women/ children and others in their community?
What happens to the victimized families?
Where is the human rights community?
Who cares about the public victimization and traumatization of our people in Iran?
When and how these nightmares will end? Where is hope?

Without a doubt when violence continues, it is difficult to converse about impact, healing and solutions.


Mindfullness in My Community

Recently, I put together an outline for a Mindfulness group. For the first run of this group, I realized the significance of such program, since mindfulness is the last thing we have time for.

On this note, we may recognize that all the prominent poems from our kings of poetry teach us the techniques for awareness and mindfulness. However, mindfulness among our widespread communities has never been taken seriously, maybe only is some soufi groups. For numerous reason, mindfulness has become a luxury, a treasure, a style of life that is not intended for everyone. Considering the hard realities that we Iranians live with, mindfulness is all about keeping our heads above the water. While breathing in the fresh air is almost impossible for people in our home country, those of us who live outside the borders, still have to search hard for some air of any quality.
Now, what can we do to raise awareness about the importance of mindfulness in our communities?

We start with talking and practicing: We are here and now. We take a deep breath. We observe ourselves, where we are, how we are, and how we breath. Observing is what we do, only way to start being mindful. At least for now.