How do we therapists see the conditions our clients live with? In our daily contacts with people, it is important to have a clear understanding of why people suffer from what they report being challenging for them.

For me, health and dysfunction are discourses that are intertwined with the politics by which human life is defined.  In order to identify my core beliefs, I had to look at the forces that have changed and shifted our Iranian life. The politics that contributed to the failure of establishment of democracy in my home country have only reinforced neuroticism and despair. How can we not recognize the politics around which our lives are constantly changing?

Mental health among people of my community is greatly defined by the forces of oppression and segregation. My definition of mental health is definitely impacted by how I view the historical impact of vigorous political views interfering in and violating the lives of people of my home country.  It is important to remember how over the centuries, abuse of power and abuse of politics have contributed to systematic human rights violations, war zones, and financial exploitation that have only made human conditions worse. I believe that mental health issues are largely due to the politics ruling human life in every community. This is why I cannot ignore factors impacting human life anywhere in the world.

Over the years, through my own personal and professional experiences, I became aware of the influence of socio-political reality of authoritarian governments and oppression on mental health issues.   I guess I was born in a time where I had to make a conscious choice, namely to look beyond a divided, polarized world.  I sensed that oppression was a poison for our minds that made us believe how racism, gender segregation, and sexism are part of life. I refused to accept that life had one single color.  I could see the danger of a cultural dichotomy between good and bad, black and white, less and more.

I have learned that oppression requires systematic subjugation. People who are shouting that they have the only answer to every aspect of human life are forcing systematic submission and conformity.  My life experiences have helped me realize that some people fall for this system and lose their integrity. I can connect the internalized sense of shame and guilt to the explicit rules of oppressive systems, where the only mission is to destroy life and happiness.

I was trained in this humanistic school of thought in a very simple and natural way:  by observation.  I was living in a world of many contrasts, polarities, and contradictions. I do believe that social inequality and oppression are blocking people from gaining self-respect and dignity.

In search for the real truth, I realized that there is no such thing, and we all have our own individual truths. I came to trust my instincts and to believe that even those who oppress us are in need of respect, because they are blindly perpetuating the notion of conformity.    In that path, I was able to externalize the reasons for mental health issues and neurotic responses to many areas of life.

Many Iranians now question the traditional notion of sex, race, ethnicity, culture, and gender.   In working toward change, we can not ignore social injustice as the main reason for human pain and suffering.  Where gender, race, culture, religion, and ethnicity intersect, there is only one regulation that can help peace and order, and that is respect and acceptance.

For me, mental health and mental illness are constantly jeopardized by the underlying forces of submission and subjugation. Oppression is one nasty and dark wall, cluttered with faulty beliefs, stigma, hatred, racism, extremism, and sexism.

This is how I believe psychotherapy and psychology have a main duty on both a personal and a societal level.  This is where psychotherapy could have an impact on how people try to challenge the status quo.

With regard to theoretical orientation, I cannot ignore the views on women conditions in our home country, a complex issue that impacts health and dysfunction.

Change is possible once our clients are able to see their position in the realm of reality and conditions of existence.

September 3. 2010

Poran Poregbal, MA, RSW, RCC

http;//middlepeace.com

Most individuals have been in a long time marriage, while their relationships have not been the healthiest.  Immigration, unemployment, extended families, traumas, and shifts in roles are some of many important factors that are often involved in one possible case, when I meet these couples.

At some point when the marriage is threatened, most people try to think of possible solutions which are not always the best.

In general, counselling may not be the first option when couples are in conflicts.  Some may appreciate and choose to seek professional help, while at times many bridges have already been broken.

One thing that most women report is about their efforts to ask, plead, and encourage their husbands to attend counselling.   Men usually complain about wives who are willing to destroy family life due to the “women friendly western Society” they have immigrated to.  However, to be fair, I have had many Iranian men who choose to come to counselling while their wives are skeptical or negative about the work that can be done.  In some cases, i have heard of physical alteration being the fact and in those cases I refer the victim to make a police report, while it is not my job to intervene.  The only protection I am legally bounded is to intervene if i hear a child is being abused, if i hear some one will hurt the self or others.  In case of violence, therefore i have to inform the individuals about their right to be safe.  And, just to be clear;  it is important to say that I have seen men and women being violent against the other partner, so violence does not know any gender, race, social background, nationality, or social status.

In many cases, these broken relationships moving fast towards divorce, a situation that could have been avoided if / when both parties were willing to resolve issues sincerely in counselling session.

I have heard one partner telling their spouses: “I have no problem, you are crazy, and you need to attend counselling, not me.”  Or others who call me to say” My wife / husband should come and talk to you.  “In most cases, one part basically is telling me to “fix the other partner, as it is his or her fault.”
I have heard this statement from too many individuals in order to be able to find a pattern in these types of statements.

Therefore it is important to emphasize that couple or marriage counselling is a two party’s work and a marriage can be saved if both parties are cooperating.  The earlier people try to prevent emotional suffering in their marriage, the more chance we have to help the couple to rebuild their relationship.

May 8, 2010
www.middlepeace.com

On this note, anyone who is a psychologist, clinical counsellor, a social worker, and a mental health worker, is bounded by the ethical codes to follow Ethical norms ruled by their professional governing and disciplinary boards of registrations.

Therefore, there is need to view our Iranian understanding of our roles as clinical counsellor / psychologists in respect to the ethical codes we have to adhere to. I like to bring this issue home to our communities, because there are many confusions, misunderstandings, and misconception about who is who and who should be who.

The reason I am discussing this  is that, in our community there are people who create confusion about services that we clinical counsellors offer and stand for.

There are some individuals here in our Vancouver, who pretend to be something they are not. I am sure, this is not specific to any place or time, somehow there are always individuals who put their nose into other people’s businesses.

We hear from our clients, time by time that there are “counsellors” who impose their illogical and unethical views on clients.  I hear that there are some or one senior / older gentleman who works with families as a “counsellor” and he gives people “advises.”

We have been told by many of our clients that some individuals who advertise as “counsellor or social worker “in the Iranian community, have certain interest to destroy marriages when she/ he advise women to get divorce.

Some individuals have told us stories of how  in their ailing marriage, they decided to see a counsellor in order to help their marriage, while the “counsellor “told them they should take divorce.  Some other people have the experience of meeting “counsellors” who have taken side or not understood their situation.

Our counsellors in the Iranian Educators Society for Families likes to stay away from these types of people, misleading information, and unethical behaviours.

Exaggerating is a habit in our culture, we Iranians know that.  To exaggerate in this case, is more about misrepresentation and misinformation.   And it happens a lot among us.

It is a bad habit in our culture to call students in medicine a “doctor” already before they have finished first year of education or call students in the technical areas as an “engineer.”

We know that there are people who might have a bachelor degree in one humanistic area and they call themselves: Therapists.

There are others who have taken one or two month courses in “counselling” and advertise already as “social workers” or else.  However there is a long distance between just exaggerating and destroying life.  How can we advise people while the basis of any counselling job is not giving advice? What counselling is not, is about giving advises, interfering in people’s decision making, and taking sides.  We have to know that we can always report these fake counsellors or nosy individuals to the authorities.

Our community deserves clarity, ethical professionals, and ethical practice of clinical counselling. We have to go to basic and  discuss healthy boundaries while taking responsibilities for what we offer.

March 25, 2010
www.middlepeace.com

Winter Olympic 2010 was a real source of joy and pleasure for all of us.

Many of us feel transformed and changed forever.  It is hard to describe this gigantic phenomenon, still we know in our hearts that being Canadian has found a new definition and meaning.

Our children and youth had the chance to feel a sense of pride and contentment about who they are because the spirit of Olympic was all inclusive. Identity building and culture creation found a way in our children’s heart.  They will benefit from knowing who they are and what country they represent.

Millions of youth gathered everywhere to shout “Canada - Canada” as if they had never knew this word before.  A new, fresh, positive air was shared with all those who were caught in between two or more cultures.  Feeling as being one nation and being part of this larger truth of Canadian identity developed and shifted towards a new era which was blurred before.

Millions of Canadians experienced something extraordinary.   In every community people were part of what was going on here in Vancouver.  For many of us new comers here in Vancouver and for those of us who are native in this country, we could witness this huge, cheerful, and proud crowd on the streets.
For those of us who had the chance to walk on the streets of Vancouver, we could sense partnership, sharing, and ownership of the games. Here in Vancouver and here in Canada, we did see and observe a greater reality, the truth of community building.

For all of us media  users such as TV , we could orient us in the moments of the athleets hard work and challenges.   Being Canadian and becoming Canadian were the outcomes of a nation competing for a new search for identity.

Patriotism and championship for Canada turned out to become as an  embodied  part of every one of us, the essence of who we like to be and who we like to remain.

All kind of people from all backgrounds became one big proud nation called Canada.   Even though as an observer, we would feel to be part of this historic event.

Being witness to this wonderful historic phenomenon made many of us to be willing to contribute to this country whose humbled athletes changed our being in the world.  When it comes to ice hockey, it is now definitely a game that many of us who were raised to be fan of soccer,  we can  can cheer for this interesting game.  For many of us Iranians, integration to the North American culture is a reality here as we will enjoy watching the winter games that did not matter to many of us before.

Finally, it is clear that the notion of change in Canada and Canadian heart occurred because of a holistic approach to the Olympic 2010.
Thank you Canada and Thank you Vancouver for this true life changing experience.

Feb 28 ,2010

www.middlepeace.com

Past couple of years, I have worked with many Iranian women whom come to counselling for finding a forum to gather their thoughts and strengths.  My observations on how these clients have all been confused and still hopeful, make me write this article.  I will make sure to not specify any details in respect to confidentiality issues.  Still i will focus on the commonalities and difference in my client’s  experiences of clinical depression and clinical challenges.

Most of these clients I have met,  have lived at least 5 or 6 years in Canada.  Some women report numerous clinical symptoms such as anxiety, lack of self-confidence, and need for conformity that has to be studied in the context of  family dynamics in which these clients were raised in.

Some of these women are out of work force and unable to deal with the daily life tasks as  their  symptoms are multifaceted.

Most women report of having  low mood, lack of proper social support and language barriers to begin with.  Despite many concerns, these women are strong persons and they are all willing to find the real and true self of their own.

These women need to be believed and supported in their individual and unique ways of conceptualizing  the notion of change.

Because of my embodied knowledge of the culture of oppression, I prefer not to underestimate the notion of oppressive ideologies (Greene, 2005) when it comes to women’s mental health issues.

Here in Canada the medical modality of handling mental health issues were comparably also wedded (Baker, 2006) to a traditional biomedicine treatment option.

Most female clients I meet, they became  “patients” who are  given drugs for their symptoms; a notion that for many of them was an additional confirmation of their need to be dependent to “others.”  In my idea these women are neither heard or understood holistically and culturally.

By recognizing the harsh, complex, and multileveled socio-political and cultural aspect of why/how many Iranian women develop clinical symptoms, I compare their anxiety to a scream for respect and self-autonomy.

Listening to their  stories, I hear that their behaviours and style of life have been consistent with the social environment (in both countries) that ignored their physiological needs for being recognized as a whole person.

Some individuals develop mood swings that are responsive to the environmental changes, from family of origin to their nuclear family, and from one culture to another.

Forced marriage, migration, dislocation, and adjustment challenges in their new home country, experiences of trauma in various format and shapes, despair due to divorce, and role of  single mothers are some of the many additional forces impacting women’s entire being.

From a developmental framework (Broderick &  Blewitt, 2006; Kaplan & Sadock’s,  2003), my female clients ( at least most of them) struggle in their search for an autonomous self and a sense of self-actualization.

In some cases of child hood memories, parents are being described as individuals without  any skills in emotional regulation and emotional intelligence, considering the culture of subjugation that promoted injustice; a reason for why most women have poor emotional regulation skills (Majnaric, 2003).

Instead of autonomy most women learned to be ashamed and as a substitute for taking initiative they felt  guilty for their long and dream of self-control.   Some women report how they tried to  react to certain unjust situations by conforming while saying: “I do not care”, this is a response to a society and a culture that did not care for them as an invaluable individual.

These women’s  life journey has mostly contained intense sense of inferiority, loss of identity, inability to find satisfying relationships, and challenges in engaging in a meaningful work.

Viewing the subject holistically, we have no information about the biological influences on these women and their  reactions to the experienced traumas.  However, environmentally most women have been  surrounded by a “blaming the victim” attitude.  Bowlby (1956) suggests that children who in their school years require extra need for love and affection, most probably have not had a secure attachment in their first three years of life.

Some clients describe their parents as  “cold and distant” , a reason to view an unresponsive parent as a basis for an insecure attachment.  Some women have no early memories of warmth, love, acceptance, or affection.

Regrettably, we lack knowledge about the “holding environment” and the “object presenting” that constitutes a growing child’s reality (Winnicott, 1992).  It is however reported by some clients that they  had to always be concerned about their mother’s state of mind and in this path they were not given many chances to develop a healthy self-image (Kegan, 1982).

Different world views between a medical system and client’s conceptualization of  “disease” make it hard for some women to obtain a holistic clinical support; instead they have to keep going for the  biomedicine based treatment  that only confirms these ladies lack of options(Robertson, 1998).

In my humble opinion, women from oppressive system will benefit from working with professional counsellors who has sensitivity and more understanding of global women’s issues (Chung, 2005).  In our role as professional counsellors, a social responsible practice of psychology would require us to broaden our views on women, beyond the traditional notion of individual work with clients (Chung, 2005).

Believing that everything about Iranian women is political rather than personal,  it is not hard to notice the need for liberation (Donovan, 1985)  is out there more than ever before when dealing with women in general.

The notion of change goes home to people when they are being approached in a holistically within the framework of therapeutic relationship and in a safe, person-centered, strength based, cooperative, collaborative, and culturally sensitive counselling.

My client  raises several personal, interpersonal, and societal concerns that are of significance to  me as a counsellor.   A socially responsible practice for me emphasizes on social justice that promotes education, prevention, and outreach (Vera & Speight, 2003).  Moreover an ethical, professional, and accountable practice has to find partnership with community psychology that can address oppression, inequality, and social injustice on a client centered basis (Moane, 2003).

References:

Baker, N. L. (2006). Feminist Psychology In The Service Of Women: Staying Engaged Without Getting Married. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 30, 1-14.

Bowlby, J. (1956).  The Growth of Independence in the Young Child. Royal Society of Health     Journal, 76, 587-591.
Broderick, P. C., & Blewitt, P. (Eds.). (2006). The Life Span. Human Development for Helping Professionals. Pearson, Education, Inc., Upper Saddle River, New Jersey 07458.
Chung, R. C. Y. (2005). Women, human rights, and counseling: crossing international boundaries.(Practice & Theory). Journal of counseling & Development. Vol. 83.
Greene, B.  (2005). Psychology, diversity and social justice: Beyond heterosexism and across the cultural     divide.  Counselling Psychology Quarterly, 18 (4): 295-306.
Kegan, R. (1982). The Enduring Self: Problems and Process in Human Development.  Cambridge:  Harvard University.
Robertson, A. (1998). Shifting discourse on health in Canada: from health promotion toPopulation     health.  Health Promotion International, Vol. 13, 155-166.
Majnaric, I. (2003). Emotional Health:  Promoting Children’s Emotional Health.  The B.C. Counsellor.  Journal Of The British Columbia School Counsellors’  Association. Vol. 25, No. 2.
Moane, G. (2003). Bridging the Personal and the Political: Practices for a Liberation Psychology.      American Journal of Community Psychology.  Vol. 31, Nos. 1 / 2.
Kaplan, H. I. & Sadock, B. J. (2003).  Kaplan and Sadock’s Synopsis of Psychiatry. Behavioral Sciences / clinical Psychiatry.  Ninth edition.
Vera, E. M., & Speight, S. L. (2003).    Multicultural Competence, Social Justice, and Counseling  Psychology: Expanding Our Roles.  The Counseling Psychologist, Vol. 31, No. 3, 253-  272.
Winnicott, D. W. (1992). The Family and Individual Development.  London, Routledge.

Poran Poregbal

Written for MAQE,  January 2009

www.middlepeace.com

Being an Iranian female, living in Canada, being an immigrant, dealing with nostalgia, and trying to grow have never been easy tasks to handle. Now I was adding a new challenge to my list, believing that my resilient mind would help me in my movements and convictions. As I was working in the counselling field already, I was confident that attending graduate school would put things into perspective, and it did.   My challenges and need for adjustment were multilayered.  I was willing to work hard, yet I was not able to foresee how I would investigate my weaknesses on a more clinical platform.  At one point, like many other students, I was applying every single theory and intervention to myself.  In the early stages, I was passionate about the influence of my graduate work on myself and on my interpersonal relationships. I knew that I was going to apply all the clinical interventions to myself as a way of walking in other people’s shoes.

One concept that made complete sense from beginning was the need for giving and receiving feedback. However, I was unaware of my future struggle about feedback. During my adult life, I had participated in many training programs, courses, workshops, and conferences. However, attending graduate school blanketed my entire educational movements. My life in graduate school became a starting point for embracing years of contemplation about what I wanted to spend time on.  In the final chapters of my work in graduate school, I started to realize the significant meaning of my diverse experiences of being a student at the graduate level.  On one level, this topic may be too broad; however, I would like to point to my struggle as a multicultural student dealing with many issues at once.  My self-actualization was about both completing my graduate school and managing my own evaluation of my performance. On this path, I learned that self-reflection is a dynamic part of my journey, either in or out of graduate school.  Interestingly, I have always found myself to be an open book.  However, being constantly evaluated required a deeper level of self-reflection.  Once you are being judged and evaluated on your skills, you realize that you have to dig deep, an act that requires courage and insight.

Attending graduate school has helped me not only nurture myself but also learn to set healthy limits in all phases of my life.   The clinical skills that I have been practicing have created a perspective in my professional work.  Early on I had a vision. I had some implicit plans for my future and the type of work I wanted to be doing.  My enthusiasm and hope for personal and professional growth would, however, be defeated at times. The reason was not the work that had to be done; the challenge was the language by which I wanted to express myself. 

I could not believe that my sense of belonging in the world would be impacted because of my language skills. The issue is not that simple. I had to analyze my struggle from several angles. Firstly, how did I perceive myself and how did others perceive me? Secondly, how would I be emotionally impacted by how I was perceived by others? And finally, what could I do to overcome my sense of inferiority?

For me, although my work in graduate school was positive, inclusive, and insight-enabling, I still have had many moments of self-doubt and despair. The sense of frustration started when I started to receive feedback about my language skills.

My English Language

In graduate school, almost all of my papers would receive this comment: “This student would benefit from a …..”  It was suggested that I attend writing classes and use editing services.  The suggestion itself made sense.  However, these words were like a hammer on my head.  I was in transition due to several developmental stages. First of all, English was my second and third language, into which I was trying to integrate my personal and academic world all at once.  In addition, I was at a stage in my life where I have attended every single writing class I can.  I was sick and tired of attending any more classes.  Besides, I thought our graduate school was ignoring the multicultural student’s need for editing services that many other students in other institutions received. Finally, I was thinking that I was already pushing my limits and lacking support for the hard work I was doing.

In graduate school, I formed a close friendship with several students whose English was at my level, if not lower. We often discussed how we could be supported more by our grad school.  We all worked hard, and at times we hired editors for our papers. Still I would receive the same comments and the same suggestions. That was annoying, and it did not help my anxiety. What my professors did not know was that I had done all I could and I was working constantly on my writing skills. Writing has been a great part of my life, yet my challenge has been to master new languages all the time.  I have lived on three continents and have always tried to work and study in other languages. 

All the comments about my language and writing skills impacted my sense of belonging in the world.  For me, these comments had multiple meanings. I was mindful that the ability to write in a clear and comprehensive way was my greatest desire.  However, I was now frightened because my self-perception and reality did not match.  I was in a profession where clarity of language was both ethical and critical.

Besides, writing has always been a tool for me to embrace fact gathering, information processing, and interaction with the material.  Now looking back, I see how privileged I was as a child.  I was lucky to attend a private school where English was taught to us from grade one. For this reason, I had quite a background in comprehending basic English, while living in an English speaking country would help me to practice my knowledge.  

As a young child, I always liked to write, whether it was my school homework or taking notes about everything.  This habit was encouraged in my family because neat writing is a skill that the Iranian culture values highly.  I remember that for all my school work, right up to my high school years, I always received positive feedback and encouragement for my written work.  I could write essays in no time, when my peers always struggled to scribble one paragraph about the same subject.  In that social context, I came to believe that I was skilled and I was able to verbalize my thoughts. My interest in reading novels and history came to be an additional tool to feed my hunger for understanding the world outside.  A combination of multiple factors had made me believe that I could write. What I did not know then was that my apperception would be challenged later in life due to new circumstances beyond my control.
Moreover, writing for me has always been a visual way to learn, to comprehend, to process, to understand with my brain, my heart, and all my senses.   I take notes, write down concepts, work with them, rephrase them, paraphrase them, put them into meanings, and use them in my own terminology to make them omnipresent in my vocabulary.  Writing for me is a way to incorporate my learning into my everyday life, to nail the theories into my brain, and to organize them into various files, where I would forever have access to a large amount of quality information, reliable sources of theories, and useful concepts.
 For me, integrating with my environment relies on my ability to communicate with people. This is a human factor and I am not an exception.  However, receiving comments about my language skills and written work in graduate school was a bit challenging for me.  I had no chance to improve the situation due to the amount of work and the pressure on me to perform within a given time.  I was unable to say that I was working hard on my weaknesses, and I needed some understanding from the graduate school.  Part of the stressful situation I had found myself in was the notion of my neurotic responses. I was saying “yes….but.”  I was hurt because I had always thought of myself as a good writer. I had always been given positive feedback for my writing skills (In Farsi), and now my world was turning upside down. For me, the meaning of being able to communicate goes back to my childhood dream: to become a writer and an educator.

What my professors did not seem to appreciate was that it was hard to be non-English-speaking and working at this level.  I was aware that it was not my school’s fault that I was bilingual, nor was it their problem that I needed extra time and effort to do the same amount of work as someone else. I was already challenging myself to a level they could not imagine.  I could not disagree with the fact that I live in an English-speaking country and I was attending graduate school in that language.  I was aware of the need for transparency and comprehension of the material for the sake of the work we were about to do. However, the complexity of language and the need for editing my work were beyond a simple explanation. I was suffering and I had to find ways to alleviate my pain.  In part, I started to become angry at the comments and ignore them.  For me, the comment that I needed an English course was discouraging.  This comment made me feel inferior and weak. This remark, although valid, still reminded me of the layers of pain due to migration, dislocation, and loss of roots.  Although I could understand the comments logically, it brought back to me the fact that I wished I could live in my home country, speaking and writing the language I was raised with.

What my professors did not know was that the notion of adjustment had become part of my existence.  I had been committed for the past 20 years to being involved in scholarly work yet in two different languages.

Still I was aware of my own needs. Certainly, one’s work will always benefit from help with editing in any language.  My challenge was how and with what resources to find that service.  The reality that by this time I had tried to read and write in three languages did not begin to explain my hard work in overcoming the challenge.  It was not about having chosen to integrate the languages of Farsi, Swedish, and now English.  It was about living as an immigrant in a new social environment that required a huge amount of adjustment on many levels.  I was thinking that I was a champion for moving to new cultures and trying to become an academic in those languages.  For most people, coming to a new country and learning to speak the everyday language is hard enough. For me, it has never been about everyday conversations. I have valued communication on a higher level because I value scholarly work.

Before coming to Canada, I lived for 12 years in Sweden.  I had the chance to study and work in Swedish, and I had reached a point of fluency both verbally and professionally.  Once I was feeling stable and adjusted, another wave of migration shook my life. Somehow immigration has become part of my life, a concept that I try to comprehend. 

I moved to Vancouver in 1988.  With immigration comes modification, whether it is learning a new language, a culture, or a lifestyle.  My life in graduate school was not only dependent on managing my practice-based skills.  It was about reframing my own mindset. It was about personal growth. 

I appreciated the fact that I was receiving feedback about my language skills and need for improvement.  However, it was not the language that was my main concern.  Rather, it was the notion of finding my comfort zone and sense of safety that would come with time. I was rushing to do my graduate work in English, while it was my second and even third spoken language.   I did expect too much of myself, yet I was at a place in my life where I wanted to accomplish the most.  At age 46, you want to finish your life as a student, and I had reached the maximum level of tolerance for my struggles.  

Based upon the assessment of my hard work in graduate school, I sensed that my humble personality would help me survive the crisis. I understood and accepted the requirements. Still I was struggling to produce comprehensive work.  For some reason I was emotional, which resulted in my not being able to concentrate on details.  There was a gap between my reality and my need for improvement. Basically, I was not transparent in my writing because I was muddled at my own cognitive level. I had lived a life in which I was constantly threatened. My sense of safety and belonging had given way to a level of self pity and a sense of powerlessness. I was pressured mentally because I could not differentiate between the painful story of migration and all the factors leading up to it.  

Now I was learning to specify my need to focus on one task at the time.  I came to think of my mind as strong, yet it was crammed with too many ideas at once. I came to realize how incongruent I had been emotionally, cognitively, and behaviourally. For me, fluency in language was not the problem.  The struggle was fluency to master my own thoughts.  I came to realize that my reaction of feeling offended affected the awareness of my own needs.  I could now recognize that I needed to stay focused and to prioritize.  I had been willing to tell about the world’s problems in one essay, and every time we had a paper due, I could sit down and edit my writing with critical eyes.  However, I was not clear because I was unable to put my experiences into the context of my paper.

Cognitively I had always been aware of the concept of clarity in communication.  However, my emotional investment in areas significant to me caused me to react to events.  My reactions would create a sense of being misunderstood, which would lead to stagnation.  Somehow I was misrepresenting myself all the time.  Once I learned that I have to stay focused on one topic at a time, I could be transparent in my work.  Now I could let go of self-pity.  I was tired of being confused about something whose key was in my hands. I knew by experience that through training and practice my professional work would emerge.  At the same time, I started to adjust the lens through which I was seeing the world.  I could think of numerous instances of positive feedback which I have always had from my peers and coworkers.  I had forgotten about this feedback, which gave me courage to work and write in languages that were not native to me.   I had missed the whole point and stumbled upon my emotions for failing to be true to myself.   The point of clarity in my written work reappeared, as the sunshine would reappear after many foggy days.

At this point, I could see myself as the risk-taker and ambitious person that I am. I came to the realization that my strong sense of who I am has made it possible for me not to be ashamed of my weaknesses. On the contrary, my strong belief in myself was now helping me to realize my need to pay attention to details.  I came to think of my suffering as never having been about the language in which I wanted to communicate and integrate with the world outside. My struggle all along has been about the clarity of my own mind, about the peace of mind that I never had, about a sense of belonging to a world where I wanted to be counted and valued. Now I could see my confused writings in a wider perspective.  I have to focus on one topic at a time and be part of what I want to present. Attending graduate school in the study of professional psychology has come to be a reliable reference point whenever I think of my own personal growth and establishment as a professional.  I am glad this has become clear, at least for myself.

My Social Interest

With inspiration from the Adlerian theory of individual psychology, I managed to start working on my own social interests.  As long as I can remember, I have been keen on writing with the intention of putting into words my observations and personal experiences of social injustice.  I wanted to put into words a culture that I consider to be mute. One thing I consciously started to work on was to take some baby steps in integrating individual psychology with my native culture.  My initial thoughts were that my Iranian culture lacks a clear understanding of psychology as a science and as a practice.

I have always liked to break the cycle of indifference surrounding the turbulent life that we Iranians have been forced into.  Now, studying individual psychology, I realized that in order for myself to live a healthy life, I needed to act congruently with my private logic. I could no longer be confused about how to say all that had to be said. I was tired of being scared of what would happen if I started to talk, not that I was the most important person in the world. However, considering the prohibitions against Iranian woman, I am not supposed to have a voice. I am not supposed to talk, because I will be labelled with one or the other “ism.” This is how extremists in my home country silenced a big nation.  With this spirit and sense of encouragement derived from my widening horizons, I started to design a website. This was in 2007, a time when I had survived my first year of grad school. For some reason the time felt right, although a bright- minded person would not have taken on so many projects at the same time.  For me, doing one project without the other did not make sense.

Slowly but steadily I worked on this website. I enjoyed creating this forum, in which I could write about things that mattered to me and was confident would benefit others. My website soon came to be a place where I could elaborate on my ideas about interpersonal and personal relationships within the framework of my community.  

I remember finding a short comment in one of our texts where the writer suggested that multicultural communities should work on their own version of psychology.  I got excited about this and took that idea very seriously.  This was what I had always believed in, yet I had no framework for it.  Now, being in graduate school, I was not only learning new skills to deal with mental health issues, but also I could become an educator.   My original idea was confirmed now; I wanted to create a special forum in which I could present psychology within the context of my culture, our culture, and our perception of the world around us.

For me, the notion of health and dysfunction is culturally intertwined.   I started to write about our cultural belief that is inviting mental health issues on an unconscious level.  I was aware of the huge amount of work I had to do and I wanted to do it.   I could run a website with only a few articles and no one would expect me to do more.  This was on my own time and based on free choice, something that really mattered to me.  For all these reasons, being in graduate school became a double and triple workload.

I liked to take time to study and comprehend material, but at the same time I had many ideas about pieces of work for my website.  In both cases, I appreciated that I was working towards a social interest in helping others.  I was creating something to benefit others and myself further down the road. For me, helping had many meanings.  I liked to help people to help themselves, to encourage and to challenge our mindset about our lifestyle.

Now my website and graduate work were two areas I was investing in heavily. One without the other would not satisfy me.  With ideas from my graduate work, I could put my thoughts into words in the framework of a website.  Soon I started to receive feedback from the community about my website.  I was aware that many readers would forgive my imperfect use of a language that was new to me, at least new to the extent I had lived in Canada.  In an article, I mentioned that English was my second language when I was attending school in Iran. Soon I was receiving calls and being invited to various workshops and seminars in my community.  My website was being seen by people who were interested in the same line of work I was doing. Slowly but gradually I started to organize psycho-educational workshops for my community, and in this way I could build an alliance with individuals who had the same interests.

What had started out as a hobby to help me with graduate school work was now my website.  I was writing only about my own Iranian culture, but I liked to include others as well.  I believed that we Iranians have blended with many cultures across many borders.   For this reason, if I were exploring the Iranian understanding of the world, then I could help many other cultures to conceptualize us in a broader context.

I took my time to do research.  I could not find enough work that illustrated our daily life as immigrants, how we handle our daily challenges of adjustment and integration.  My website was becoming a place where I was covering a wide range of topics, although at this point I had no idea to what extent I wanted to spend time on it.    I could envision how my website would become something unique, a glimpse into our Iranian culture and of being Iranian.  

The most important aspect of my work was to promote and model an ethical, professional, and collaborative practice of psychology among Iranian mental health workers. In addition, I wanted to help increase public awareness and expectations of the professional practice of individual psychology. 

In the beginning stages, I had a list in my mind of what I wanted to write about: parenting, relationships, depression, anxiety, stress, marriage, cultural dualism, separation, loss, isolation, fear, jealousy, competition, work- and school-related issues. I do believe that our Iranian community needed to talk about many topics.  I wanted to contextualize mental health issues pertinent to the concept of victimization and trauma that in the past thirty years has become an undeniable part of the Iranian lifestyle.   Why victimization?  Iranian people have embodied the experience of humiliation on individual, community, and social levels.  The oppression, gender segregation, and discrimination in my home country have numbed people on many levels.  The mental health issues that make individuals, families, and communities suffer are all due to the perpetuated notion of victimization.  One thing the Iranian government has been successful in is to victimize its nation.  In each case, there are plenty of factors and circumstances present, and each one of us has dealt with it alone, without any social support or acknowledgment from the outside world.  For all of these reasons, I saw it as my duty to write as much as possible and put things into perspective, in a more culturally sensitive manner.

Moreover, victimization is a concept we do not know much about, although all of us have been victims of crime, trauma, sexism, oppression, gender apartheid, racism, and violence.  We have carried the whole burden of these crimes ourselves. Now after two years of hard work, on both my clinical understanding of the world and my multilayered community work, I am proud to say that I have achieved quite a lot. Yet, I have a long road ahead to connect and create further understanding of mental health issues.  Still, I believe I have gone beyond the limits of imagination as to what I can do for a community that has lost its vision.

My website is now a forum for everyone to talk about their ethnical identity as Iranian-Canadians or others.  This is a place to discuss race, gender, ethnicity, class, social problems, mental health issues, family relationship concerns, youth support programs, and much more.   The goal of this website is to create a place to talk and learn to educate ourselves and others about how it is to be Iranian and Canadian, how it is to belong where we are.   Do we really belong somewhere, or are we lost in the midst of all the trauma and tragedy that is a part of everyday life in Iran? What is going on with us?   Who are we?   What culture do we talk about when we brag about our 2500 culture? What is passed down to us and what do we pass on to our children? How would our next generations define their “being-in-the-world?”
These are all important questions that have never been spoken about before, at least not in the light of a healthy conversation. I consider my website as a space for encouragement, hope, and change. I compare mental health with the notion of peace.  In a way, I believe we mental health practitioners are messengers of peace in a more subtle way.

With my website, I promote peacekeeping as a basic tool that we need in building stronger relationships within our communities.  As a counsellor, I tried to start with myself. I believe we can learn to leave our comfort zones and work for the benefit of others. This needs the effort of sacrifice, hard work, critical eyes, and multicultural work.  From the Adler school, to my website, to my clarity of mind, I have reached a milestone.
Acknowledgments:

For all my hard work on this website, I received acknowledgment that meant the whole world to me.  Now I could see that my efforts in writing, although imperfect in terms of the use of English, were valued.  I had sent one article to the North American Society for Adlerian Psychology (NASAP) to introduce my website and tell them how I was inspired by Adlerian psychology (Poregbal, 2008).  To my surprise, the article was published on the front page of their newsletter.

In addition, I have started to send articles to Ezine-Articles.  To date, I have 36 live articles which have a readership of about 3500. I write about a variety of issues that are pertinent to my community. The latest article I wrote was about the Barack Obama phenomenon (Poregbal, 2009).  I am very excited, and realize that with time and through practice I am becoming clearer in my writings, and therefore in my desire to serve my community.

Note: This article was written for my MAQE (as part of my Master Qualification Examination work in Jan 2009).

Poran Poregbal, RSW, RCC

Feb 12, 2010

      Reference: 

Poregbal, P. (2008). New Iranian Website. The NASAP Newsletter.  Volume 41, Number 3, May/June 2008.  Retrieved from January 23,2009: http://www.alfredadler.org/PDF/May-June%202008%20issue.pdf

Poregbal, P. (2009, January 19). Inauguration Day and Barack Obama Phenomenon. Retrieved January 24, 2009.  Retrieved from http://ezinearticles.com/?Inauguration-Day-and-Barack-Obama-Phenomenon&id=1897343

Seeing the torch the other night made me believe in hope for humanity, hope for light, and hope for community building.  I heard the inspiring speech that the torch and the Olympic is about a vision, about a nation, and about a hope.  The torch is all about sense of peace in a world when we need peace more than ever.  Being close to this historic event which is happening in our home town, it is an experience that each one of us feel it individually and uniquely.

Wish Canada and it’s great athletes all the best.  Certainly wish the most golds for this great nation and the best joy for all Canadians. We are proud to be part of this history making event.  And certainly, we may wish for our next generations to internalize this promise of connectedness which is all around us here in Canada.  The world is here and Canada is hosting the world.  What a inspiring sense of generosity and hospitality.

GO CANADA GO. We are watching and celebrating with you.

Feb 12, 2010

www.middlepeace.com

Another family lost their 15 year old boy committing suicide a couple of weeks ago (in January 2010) due to the act of bullying.   A friend of mine sends me this article published today, Feb 4, 2010:
http://www2.canada.com/nanaimodailynews/index.html

Ashkan Sultani was the victim of bullying in school.  His parents told the reporter that they wish their son’s suicide serve as an act of kindness or help others knowing about the ways of preventing these tragedies.
Let’s give our prayers to this family as well as send our condolences to both families who are in pain.

In order to help Ashkan Sultani’s family in raising awareness about the issue of bullying, we have to know many things.
As these parents said, they do not like to point to someone or blame someone.   We could not disagree with the parents, while adding that the issue of bullying is not about blaming,
it is about knowing the borders and the limitations in all relationships.

We need to help our children understand the mechanism of bullying while help the offenders change their ways of interacting in schools and out there.

We need to know and to teach our children and help them to understand that bullying is a serious problem while help the offenders change their ways of interacting in schools and out there.
We may be parent of a child who is a bully or bullying someone.  In either way, it is significant to not take the act of bullying as a victim’s low self-esteem type of blame.
Sometime in our culture, the act of bullying is mixed with the notion of “joking.” The offender always excuses its act by saying: “I was just joking.” Numerous times I have met those families whose children bully behaviour has been noticed,
while parents excuse their children’ behaviour by relating this to act of being childish or else.  Bullying may be childish still this is a serious problem, affecting our children’s physical, mental, psychological, and social health in all aspects.

For the same reason, we have to teach our children that never take any type of teasing, picking on, ridiculing, laughing at, name calling, belittling, threatening, forcing, and making the other feel less. These are all the behaviours that the bullies do in order to take control over the bully.  As parents we have to be aware of what is going on with our children while teaching them to never accepting someone taking control over their mind in this way.

What do we know about bullying?

The Persian translation of the word “bully” gives us: ???? ????? ? ???? ?????

When we are checking in with the English to English translation of the world “bully” we will find these explanations:

A Bully: If someone bullies you into doing something, they make you do it by using force or threats.
If someone bullies you, they use their strength or power to hurt or frighten you.  A bully is someone who uses their strength or power to hurt or frighten people.

About Bullying, there are many good articles out there and I found this one of particular interest, as it talks a little bit about the brain of the person who bullies:
http://www.physorg.com/news145252980.html

As a community, we in our Iranian community have never spoken about bullying and the signs of it.
In order to raise awareness we in the Iranian Educators Society for Families are organizing two public workshops in April 2010, to raise awareness about the victims of crime: Every Victim Matters.
This is part of a plan that is recognized and accepted while it will be funded by the Department of Justice Canada.

On this note, we will talk about bullying as a serious issue and how families can help their children not become a victim for bullying.
We invite all families who are interested to know about this serious issue and we hope we could see Ashkan Sultani and other parents of victims of bully to join us in exploring this issue in our community.
These two public seminars will be held in North Vancouver and Coquitlam as advertised and we invite all families who have been victimized for any reason due to any act of crime or trauma.  This is about: Every Victim Matters.
Please see our website/ News & Events: http://iranianeducators.com/?page_id=265

We like to help our communities grow. Let’s help saving lives by raising awareness.

Poran Poregbal, RSW, RCC
Iranian Educators Society for Families
Feb 4, 2010

Knowing how this woman was a resilient soul, I was sure that she would fight the cancer.  However I could not imagine how.

My cousin is a woman who is funny, strong, positive, and encouraging; however her life was turned upside down due to the cancer, nothing out of the ordinary any ways.

My cousin is in her 50\s and she is a a mother of three adult sons.   This woman is truly the focal point for many people when they lose hope.  Fighting cancer was a big task, something that would become an obstacle in the daily interactions with people.

My cousin was however an exception.

She did not like to let go of her abilities to offer others hope, while now she needed it the most.

In her battle with cancer, she started to reach out, to volunteer for senior homes, to raise money for poor school children, and to invite neighbours or friends for tea gatherings on a regular basis.  She was doing all the work to distract herself from what was really bothering her.

It was obvious that my cousin was trying to fill up a gap, the distance between her awareness of cancer and her positive life habits.  She started to spend her days with social activities as much as her decreasing energy would allow.  At some point it seemed that she likes to deny or ignore the cancer and distract her mind from the painful treatments.

Every time I called, she would avoid any talk about cancer and illness, something that would make her sicker in my point of view.   She would answer my questions about how she was doing, yet she managed to change the subject artistically.

In our phone conversations, I started to talk about positive psychology, meditation, relaxation techniques, and more.  I knew she was interested of these subjects and she would listen to every spoken word.   Phone calls were my only way to reach her and in those one hour or more talks, we made sure to be creative and joyful.   At times, I could hear my cousin’s wishful thinking that she would cure herself by not giving the illness any space in her life; still she had a real battle, which required medical attention and hospital visits.

In every conversations, which we have many of them; she always expressed her desire for not conversing about her illness.  I could realize that her choice of not giving the cancer a place in her life was a positive copying mechanism, yet she needed support in doing so.

Having a network of strong women, my cousin was enjoying all the phone calls from family and friends who lived elsewhere in the world.  I could hear how she was proud of people remembering her although the physical distance was a sad story in itself.   I had her in my prayers constantly and I knew all other people calling her or those who lived in her neighbourhood, would do the same.   She was loved and people could express the love to her, this was more than any one can ask for.

During all these years, I have been able to listen to her struggles in getting better; however our physical and geographic distance would not let me to offer my support more than calling her.   I never had any visual observations of her challenges and maybe just because of that at times I helped her to forget and to reject the cancer at least during our phone conversations.

I knew however that the cost for cancer treatment and the cost for all medications in Tehran was more than she could pay for,  a reason why some small amount of financial support from family and friends would at times go a long way.  In all and all the psychological support that these phone conversations was about, meant the whole world to my cousin.

Anyways, during this hard battle and many near to dead experiences, our phone conversations turned to a new direction.   At some point my cousin told me that one of her best ways of dealing with inner stress was to write journals.   This was a simple observation of a woman whose self concept and insight was inspiring.    She told me about her many journals in which she tries to remember the good things in her life.

Since writing journals was one of my favourites, I suggested that she should consider writing a little book about the topics she was interested in.

One of those topics was the life story of her family, her parents, grand parents, and the unknown generations prior to her grandparents.
We had always spoken about how our past generations were interesting considering those stories we had heard about them.

For some reason this little comment came close to her heart as my cousin started reporting of her efforts in writing the life story.

My cousin whose cancer treatment was successfully finished four years ago, started to gather photos, old notes, and stories about her grand parents.  According to my cousin, the journal   would require some interesting evidence as the hand written notes of her father would add to the value of the family history.

At times, I could feel that the fear for cancer was lost in the moments and excitement for the writing of a family history.

I had never seen anyone taking one suggestion this seriously.

Now having passed her fourth year of a cancer free life, my cousin keeps writing and her story has not finished yet.   Our phone conversations continue to be empowering and important, for the two of us as the deep bonds between us have a healing source.

My cousin has managed to depict the life story of a large family.  She reports having filled up her third large note book which sounds like an anthropologic paper.

On this note, I keep thinking of the impact of writing and its psychological healing effect.

Words are about hope and hope cures human life.  We all need plenty amount of hope and help.
Dec 28,2009

www.middlepeace.com

We should be concerned and be willing to rise above and beyond to discuss why there is silent suffering within our community.  We should feel sorry for how we as a community could be doing more, yet at times we are all caught in details and superficialities.

Out of respect for these people,  no one should be allowed to disclose their identity or feel sorry for them.  Each one of us goes through life differently and individually.

Just two months ago, I heard about the sudden death of a young Iranian woman who lived in Vancouver.  Many of us must have passed her by and some of us may have known her.   She was in her mid-40’s.  She died in silence.  She was a single mother, divorced, depressed, unemployed, ill, and in grief for many unknown reasons.   She was found dead by her relatives.  The  autopsy showed that she died of natural reasons.  Her heart had just stopped beating - I am sure her heart was broken because of many issues that many of our fellow Iranian women and men are dealing with.

We can only imagine how she have felt or what she experienced in her young life.

Besides this incident, there have been many suicides in our community during past couple of years, including a young mother who jumped from a bridge just last year.

We all hear these stories.  Undoubtedly, there are too many of these stories we constantly hear about, things that are happening for  our fellow Iranians either here or elsewhere.

This is devastating to witness this much of pain and suffering among our people.

However we can help one another more, at least for those of us living in resourceful countries like Canada.

The most recent suicide was by a male, someone many of us know.  Again we are focused on the circumstances that led to these exhibitions of helplessness, hopelessness, and pain.

Suicide is one of the areas we never want to hear about. It is hard to contemplate how someone can get to that point.  People who get into this destructive path, they go through a wide range of emotions such as guilt, shame, anxiety, confusion, anger, depression, isolation, pain, and loss.

If we add the couple of shooting incidents in which our young Iranian (mostly male) individuals have been involved, then we can realize that the list goes on and on.

It is important to know that help is available and we can help those who are suffering in silence.
There are enough researches proving how mental health influences our physical, spiritual, and social life.

Challenges in personal, interpersonal, and social relationships do not need to cause us this much of emotional distress.   Divorce, parenting problems, domestic abuse, bullying, dating problems, and harassments are only few areas where individuals and families are affected by without seeking proper help.

Depression is a normal reaction to many abnormal situations.

Therefore, we need to promote help and hope.

Reaching out and asking for help should be encouraged more in our community. It is up to all of us to promote hope.

Help is available.

November 30,2009
www.middlepeace.com