Middlepeace

This was our second presentation about peace keeping that based on the  invitation of Rooyesh Cultural Group. This is part of a 4 week community gathering and discussion about how to keep and maintain peace, with great emphasize on mental health, change, and growth within ourselves as well as among our families and communities. Below is a brief summary of  the content of our presentaiton  using PowerPoint and group discussion after the actual presentation.

• We start with our self: Self Understanding,  Self definition, Self concept, Self criticism,  Self acknowledgment, Ask how am I?, What is the purpose of my life?,  What is the meaning of my life?, How can I know myself better?

• Life Wants: What do I want from this life and the life ahead of me?, What do I wish to happen?, How much can I contribute to this wish-list?, How much do I feel being unable?

• Life challenges: What do I wish to be instead of the person I am now?, How does my family look at me?, What role do I have in my family?

Am I acomplainer, challenger, leader, follower, administrator, lover, loser, mom, dad, grand parent, a good listener, a nice person…..?

• Our emotional life: Are we too emotional?, Are we too cold?, Do we talk a lot?, Do we act too fast?, Do we listen to the other?, Do we love ourselves and others?

• Emotional bank: Debit card for love, How much do we have left?,  How much do we save?, How much do we spend?, Did we have any account from beginning?, How much do we deposit everyday?, How much do we withdraw from that bank?, Is there any balance?, Are we aware of that?, How do we know?

• Gender roles: Boys are being taught to be strong, uncommunicative, competitive, and in control, Girls are being raised to be compliant, other oriented, confirmative, and under control

Peace keeping and gender roles: Men in war positions, Women in care positions, How much peace do we care to have?

• Beliefs: What is our belief about children, women, men, society, a just society, and a peaceful society?, How much do we care to think about ways in which we may not follow our own beliefs?, Do we know ourselves?, What do we know about ourselves that others do know?, What do we know about ourselves that others do not know?, What might be the things that we do not know about ourselves, but others would know?, What are the things that we do not know about ourselves and no one else does that either?

• Ways of knowing ourselves: Writing about our life story, Painting or drawing our life story, Reading poetry, Talking to someone who is objective and not advising, Being honest about ourselves and see what we can do to improve our life styles?

• Getting in peace with children: Ask them what they want….,Tell them you love them, Tell them you need time to think, Tell them you can together find a solution for a problem, Know your weakness!

• Healthy self esteem: Identity, Security, Belonging, Purpose, competence

• Intimacy and love: Trust, Independence, commitment, communication, Mutual assistance, respect

• Peaceful divorce: In case of divorce do not try to ruin the rest of life for the other, Think about children who hurts a lot, Tell children that it is not their fault, Children internalize divorce, Keep children out of this context

• Open up your hearth: It is important to realize that once we are in pain (emotionally mostly) we need help,  Our family members can only listen, however, giving advice about what to do and not to do is the most horrible thing that we can do! Do not give advice, Ask Questions gently.

• Good questions to ask ourselves: What is a partner (wife/husband) relationship?, How our relationship working / not working does and what does it mean to us?, How much do we love/praise/encourage/ like/dislike/hate/resent/tolerate our partners?, How much respect do we really have for our partners?, How much choice do I have in this relationship?, How my behaviors, thoughts, expression, and emotions impact this relationship?, How much do I enjoy this relationship?, How do I wish to be seen by my partner?, How do I see my partner?, What kind of daily life do we have together?,  How much efforts do each one of us put into this relationship?, How much our bigger families (parents, siblings, relatives) impact the quality/shape of our relationships?, How much do we let others (parents, siblings, relatives) intervene in our relationships?, How much migration issues, adjustment problems, and separation from our home land have impacted our relationship with our partner?, What kind of culture our partners have?, What is our self-understanding of our own culture and how it shaped us?, How much do we fight/argue/disagree/or agree?, How much do we respect the individual needs of the other?, What is that bothering us when we argue or fight?, Do we use any violence in dealing with our partner? How?,  How do we keep the peace inside our homes?, How do we deal with the relationship problems that happen in every home?, How much do we care about the needs of our partners?, Are we self-interest or relationship oriented?,  What do we need of this relationship?

October 5, 2007
Poran Poregbal
www.middlepeace.com

Peace keeping is a process that starts with us. How, I will explore that.

September 21 is the International Day for Peace. With the invitation of Rooyesh Group, I was honored to speak about ways in which we are able to internalize peace and deliver it outside of our own space. Below is a summary for the points that we covered.  After the presentation ,we had a discussion about this topic which is fairly new to us, though it is an old learning that is covered with dust.

Peace is about to keep harmony, inside and outside, to live a healthy life inside and outside

Thriving is about finding peace.
Peace is within ourselves and in our communities, something that starts with how much we thrive: Self-understanding, Self-actualization

Health; physical and psychological
Social interest (Adler)
Community feeling (Adler)

• Our Basic Needs: Hierarchy of needs according to Abraham Maslow are about Physiological needs, Safety and security, Love and sense of belonging, Self-esteem, Self-actualization

• Peace starts with us: Love yourself and your people, Keep boundaries, Respect yourself, Respect children, Know your limitations, Take time for yourself

• Learning brings peace: Use every opportunity to learn, Know that you do not know, Be humble, We are all equal people, Teach your son to cook and your daughter to repair cars,  Listen to the inner voice and to others

• Kindness has peace in itself: kindness is an act not word, Kind in language and actions, Kind in judgment, Love for self and others, Love for respect, Love for safety, Love for good behavior

• Peace at home: Give yourself and your partner time,  Do not blame, resolve conflict in peace, Encourage, Listen, Know your biases and own them, Know your own culture, Anger is about fear, what are you afraid of?

• With Children: Parent your child, do not be a friend, Teach, discipline, and coach your child, Give your child responsibility, Ask your child for opinion, Do not buy love, Show love, Children are small people, help them grow

• Peace In Marriage:  Marriage is not about making two lives one, Individuality in marriage keeps love alive. Own space and time important, Respect for each other a MUST, Give and receive, Say what you want, Say how you feel

• Peace in the Extended family: Grandparents are important, Respect their age, Ask them to respect younger generation , Do not enmesh, Every family member is equally important, If problem with one person, resolve conflict with one person, do not let others to give opinion, the more people involved the worse….no triangle!

• Migration: Find peace with the past, Accept inferiorities, Accept migration as a part of our new life, Do not live in the past, Live in NOW, Future has not come yet, Feel home where you are happy

• With Teenagers: Developmental stages and migration, Self and others, Loyalty to family and friends, Need for responsibility and accountability, Sense of belonging important, Respect teenagers, Get them involved with love

• On the Road: Driving with peace, We have time, Treating other cars with respect. Road rage is hurtful, Do not speed, There are less competent drivers, they do not mean it, be patient with them

• At work: You are who you are and others are who they are, Stress is positive at times, Respecting other people and their opinions, We own our opinion, own your bias, Be on time, people take you more seriously, Talking less, listening more, learning more

• Mental Health: Cognition, behavior, emotions, Knowing our own abilities compare to what is real, We may or may not find the best job, Our physical pain and emotional pain both are important and need treatment

• Our World: Respect for mother earth,  God and prayers, Nature and sunshine, Walks and hikes, Love for the world, Respect for our environment, Breathing and cleaner air

• Others: Volunteering helps, Proper communication with others, Healthy food and cooking classes, Visiting those in need, Act of kindness, Charity.

Be in Peace.
September 21, 2007
www.middlepeace.com

Today Vancouver residents witnessed a great sample of peacekeeping.

It is essential to acknowledge the Pride Parade as a public symphony of peace.

We had a carnival of colors, a public display of open-mindedness, and a forum for group cohesiveness. This gathering was recognition of tolerance, acceptance, and respect for different styles of life than the mainstream.

We had Pride Parade, a celebration that is known originating from the Gay Community, a recognized group of people who choose to have various type of style of life and sexual orientation. Yet, the main point is the choice these people make and the level of freedom this society has for its citizens!

Pride Parade is an international event happening in most western countries. Here in Vancouver a crowd of people attend this rainbow of colors and this multifaceted festival to share the joy that these proud people have.

This is just another reason for being happy and being proud. I use the term “another” since we residents of Vancouver observe numerous occasions being celebrated in this outgoing city.

This event has become a public celebration of differences, people with different races, colors, religion, and status, who all came out to say; we are proud of who we are!

In our Iranian culture we have never ever have had any celebration of our differences. This event in Vancouver should be a sing to us. We can always be proud of who we are despite of all our different belief systems, religions, status, and cultural belongingness.

Standing there and watching all these happy people who were dancing and laughing on the streets, I was thinking, could we ever be able to have this type of attitude in Middle East?

Interestingly, this event is supported by all kind of government offices to small businesses and charity organization. We could watch Vancouver’s mayor on his wheelchair who was in the parade, we could see members of various churches, and we could see people from the Jewish Community.

On one placard we could read:

“In every religion there is homosexuality and homophobia”

I could not read the next placard after this one, yet, I can assume it would ask people in every religion for tolerance.

This was when I started to think:

• it is up to us how we want to live our lives; with peace or without
• it is our responsibility to keep the peace, with those unlike us and alike
• it is our choice to accept people and ourselves as who we are

What is your choice like?

August 5, 2007

www.middlepeace.com