Middlepeace

According to DSM-IV-TR,  trauma is a direct experience of an actual or felt threat to death or serious injury.  Past 30 years we Iranians have actually been threatened, lost family members, lost friends, and seen other people lost loved ones in the jails, streets, war front zones, and in multiple ways.  Having witnessed, felt, sensed, heard, seen, and read about all the killings of our people in Iran, are not only a national trauma but a trauma in global scale.

If we just view the current severe experiences of harm and violent death back home, now we Iranian people are re-traumatized and left in intense fear more than ever in our history.   For those of us viewing the news in the safety of our homes in democratic countries away from Iran, we still feel deep sadness and trauma.  Our nightmares have all changed.  We fear constantly about our relatives and our home country that is burning in the glows of hate caused by a group of most dangerous men in the world. Own experiences of violence are now a small part of a reality back home that is beyond conceptualization.   People are not only fighting a regime of oppression and violent suppression, but also they are fighting own feelings of hopelessness and inner fear.  In a time when improvements of human rights for Iranians seem to be prolonged and farfetched, we have to utilize all help we can get.  Questions remain where the support and source of hope are for millions of us having left in the hands of a violent government.   I guess we have to wait and see; meanwhile hoping for the best is the only way to keep calm.

August 5, 2009
www.middlepeace.com

A long and interesting question led one or more readers to the middlepeace website:

“How can two people who have been abused have a healthy relationship?”

If the two partners in a relationship have been abused we can only imagine how hard it is for each one of them to help the relationship working. Why is that? Certainly each person is busy dealing with own pain and trauma.  The unresolved issues of abuse occupy the person’s mind to the degree that no energy is left for his / her partner.  Sometimes we are more or less resilient people, sometimes we have good support system in place, and sometimes we are just left out by ourselves.  In any case if you have been abused, neglected, abandoned, threatened, scared, and isolated, these are all reasons for seeking professional help.  You will not be able deal with these issues alone and not without help.

March 18, 2009
Poran Poregbal

1. One reader searched for an answer or a response for this dilemma: “how to make jokes at someone with an accent?”   This is the exact searched words. From this question or searched statement, we can only imagine or assume that the reader most probably wanted to know whether it is okay to make jokes of someone with an accent. Well, my question is why we need to make joke of someone with an accent, if we have done this and we feel bad about it that is another story. If we want to find a polite way of making jokes of someone with an accent, well, do we really want to risk offending someone? There is no polite way to make jokes of someone with an accent. We all have what accent we have, we cannot change it as we learn a certain language based on our caregivers accent.  I just encourage this reader to respect people with any accent and any difference. This is the safest we can be.

2. One question that led to middlepeace website is this: “How to build a healthy relationship between mothers and daughters.”
Well to build any healthy relationship we need healthy attitudes, skills, and plenty of cooperation. This is certainly one huge area that human being in large need to learn about and no books in the world is enough to assist people in this area.  This is an ongoing process and needs sacrifices while willingness to listen to one another.  This rule works for any type of relationship. Particularly between mothers and daughters: remember all research shows that mothers need to be mothers and not friends. I hope that my reader will seek professional help to really build this healthy relationship.

3. Word by word verbatim of searched question: “do mothers of teenagers have rights if they are not listening to the rules?”
What I hear from this question is that a mother tries to understand her role and her rights as being a parent to a teenager.  Do we have any rights to be the parents we are supposed to be? Yes, we are the parents and we are right to be parent, a responsible and nurturing one.  I am not sure what this mother or this reader refers to when using the word “rights.”  It is not even clear whether the intention of knowing about this right is to figure out how to use this right or whether it is okay to punish a teenager who is not following the mother’s rules.  Another way to interpret this question is that the dilemma is about parent’s right to do anything if the teenager is not following the rules.  In any case, this reader or mother may have a difficulty in communicating with this young person.  I hope that this reader will seek professional help to create a healthy atmosphere in talking to this teenager and also listening to this young child.

March 11, 2009

Poran Poregbal

Everyday I wake up to think of how my website is doing. I am checking all the searched words or phrases that have lead readers to the Middlepeace website.

Past two years, I have regularly made notes of all those clues that has been helpful for Google to lead readers to visit Middlepeace website.  In summary I can say people are mostly looking for ideas for healthy relationships.

Some one tried to find out “how to help abused daughter.” knowing that someone is trying to help her or his abused daughter made me concern.  I wish that person will find proper help.

I have many search ideas for the “Persian Gang” and I believe they look for one article I have on this website about this serious concern.  I hope that I can make this website more useful to everyone looking for any idea that may concern our Iranian being.

What else people search for?  I see certain keywords, questions, and or sentences that people type in when they search for something.
Sometimes I have long phrases such as” Domestic abuse what happen until the problem is solved.”  Whatever people search for has a meaning for me as a blogger and as a clinical counsellor.

I believe internet has become a private resource for some individuals who do not share their problems with others.  It is obvious that there are many issues in our daily life that we do not know how to handle.  We Iranian as a collective have little confidence in psychology as a tool for building or repairing relationships.  I am sure that this filed as many others have been mishandled and abused in our home country and in our communities.

Once I saw this phrase “psychological problems of housewives who are harassing from their husband’s house.” This verbatim of the typed in question makes me wonder.

This way of searching for solution to very intimate problems reassures me that we Iranian as a group of people do need psycho-educational help. I can count down 300-400 of small words to big phrases which people have goggled for resulting to reach the Middlepeace website. This number may not mean anything, however it gives me ideas that information I am trying to share with my community are important. I will try to respond to most of those inquiries although they are being done anonymously. I will be happy to help if my writing could do that.
All the best
Poran Poregbal