Monthly Archives: March 2009

Barometer for Our Ancient Culture

Years ago, I read an interesting quote whose author said that women are barometer for democracy in a country.   Now we may be able to argue that Nouroz is the barometer for our old ancient Persian culture.   Yes, I believe we can say that.   Just the fact that people keep enjoying this big event of the year, whether they live in Iran or around the world, we can appreciate survival of a culture that has been attached over the centuries.   All our great poets and philosophers such as Ferdowsi, Molana, Saadi, Khayam, and Hafez all have emphasized on Nouroz as a celebration of spring with the promise of new days.

Just surfing the internet, it is most exciting to see all the festivities and celebration of Nouroz by Iranian and people who are connected to this ancient Persian culture.  Nouroz is now not only being celebrated in Iran, but in many other countries and by many other nations who are somehow fascinated about  this beautiful, secular, and lively tradition.
Nouroz is really out of the ordinary, optimistic, and inclusive tradition.

Proudly we can learn from the history confirming how this culture based on validation of happiness has been handed over to us.  Although for many of us Iranians who have lived out of our home country for a longer time, Nouroz does not smell the old days we used to celebrate this tradition; still our hearts beat faster around this time of year.  Who can forget all the shopping for new clothes, new shoes, and new accessories along with goodies, fruits, and good food for these 13 days of festivity?  Still, we need to keep acknowledging spring and Nouroz. Still we have to do what our ancestors wanted us to do, to keep our culture alive; culture of peace and happiness.

Day 5 of Nouroz
Poran Poregbal
www.middlepeace.com

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اذیت و آزار جنسی‌ یعنی‌ چه؟

اذیت وآزار جنسی‌ یعنی‌ چه؟ و چه کسی‌ در این عمل ضربه میبیند؟


اجازه بدهید که پیش از رسیدن به اصل مطلب، چند تعریف داشته باشیم. فرد متجاوز کسی‌ است که از نظر قانون مسعول و محکوم است. فرد قربانی یا بازمانده این جنایت کسی‌ است که این حرکت در مورد ایشان انجام شده است، چه مستقیم چه غیر مستقیم.

کودک کسی‌ است که به سن قانونی نرسیده. در بریتیش کلمبیا فرد زیر ۱۹ سال کودک نامیده میشود، و کودک کسی‌ است که به حمایت قانونی و خوانوادگی نیاز ماند است.


هر گونه تماس و لمس عضو خصوصی یک فرد و یا یک کودک اذیت وآزار جنسی‌ نامیده میشود. در این عمل فرد متجاوز قربانی خود را انتخاب می‌کند و با رفتار خود فرد را پریشان خاطر میسازد به گونه‌ای که فرد قربانی احساس بد نسبت به خود می‌کند. فرد متجاوز به قربانی خود این احساس را میدهد که خود فرد خطا کرده و این عمل را باعث شده .



اذیت و آزار, تجاوز به حریم جنسی‌ میتواند به اشکال گوناگون صورت بگیرد. بسیاری موارد دیده شده است که فرد متجاوز قربانی خود را که معمولا یا کم سنتر و یا در شرایط کنترل فرد می‌باشد، وادار به دیدن فیلمهای نا مناسب سکسی و یا لمس کردن عضو خصوصی خویش می‌کند . از مشخصات فرد متجاوز اینست که این شخص تمام تلاش خود را می‌کند که با کودک قربانی یک رابطه نزدیک و صمیمانه برقرار کند.

تمام پژوهش‌های مردم شناسی‌، روانشناسی‌، و جامعه شناسی‌، پس از مطالعات رفتار‌های فرد متجاوز به این نتیجه رسیده ا‌ند که این فرد عموما کسی‌ است که دسترسی‌ به بچه را دارد، به شکلی‌ اعمال نفوذ بر کودک می‌کند، کودک را با خود همراه می‌کند برای نگاه داشتن “راز” و به کودک میقبو لند که باید از اوامر ایشان تابعیت کند.

این نوع رابطه نا سالم و بیمار گونه فرد متجاوز را در کنترل روح و روان کودک یاری میدهد، به درجه‌ای که کودک احساس گوناه می‌کند، خود را متخلف میبیند، و احساس شرمساری جلوگیری از فاش ساختن راز میشود.

اذیت و اختلال و صدمه جنسی‌ ارتباط مستقیم با سؤ استفاده از قدرت دارد. اگر کسی‌ که بزرگتر است یا مسن تر است و شما را به رابطه جنسی‌ و یا تماس نا مناسب مجبور میسازد، این عمل را آذر جنسی‌ و یا تجاوز مینامیم.

قربانی تجاوز یا اختلال جنسی‌ هم برای دختران و هم برای پسران پیش میاید. در فرهنگ ما شرق یان و یا ایرانیان ، سؤ استفاده جنسی‌ به غلط فقط در مورد دختران آنهم به شکل تجاوز تعریف شده است.

دست درازی‌های فرد متجاوز به کودکان ما اساسا نادیده گرفته میشود و یا بی‌ اهمیت تلقی‌ میشود. سؤ استفاده جنسی‌ در مورد کودکان ما چه دختر و چه پسر یک معضل اجتماعی است که در تمام جوامع دنیا به یک شکل اتفاق میافتد.

یک فرد بیمار و متجاوز به کودک و یا قربانی خود دست درازی جنسی‌ می‌کند و فکر میکند که کودک این عمل شرم گین را فراموش می‌کند. اساسا به هر گونه رفتاری که حریم جنسی‌ دیگری تجاوز شود، چه این تجاوز یک لمس ساده باشد چه نگاهی‌ که فرد خود را لخت و یا امنیت جنسی‌ فرد مورد خطر باشد، همه سؤ استفاده جنسی‌ و یا اذیت و آزار جنسی‌ تعریف میشود.

این عمل قبیح بطور مخفیانه و دور از چشم اولاد کودک اتفاق میافتد. فرد متجاوز سعی‌ می‌کند که قربانی خود را به سکوت وا بدارد , از طریق رفتار‌های گوناگون نگاه‌های زیر چشمی، تهدید، ترساندن، و یا توهین کردن . باید بدانیم که باز ماندگان تجاوز و آزارهای جنسی‌، چه دختر و چه پسر، دچار بیماری‌های روحی و روانی‌ طولانی مدت میشوند .

حالا این سوال پیش میاید که اذیت و آزار جنسی‌ چه ضربه‌های به کودک یا فرد قربانی میزند. اعتیاد، دردهای بدنی، مشکلات تغذیه، خواب‌های وحشتناک، افکار نا مناسب نسبت به خود، از دست دادن قدرت ارتباط جنسی‌، ترس از نزدیکی‌ با جنس مخالف، تمایل به خشونت، ترس مداوم، پریشانی مداوم، عدم قدرت تصمیم، ترس از تنهای، هجوم افکار بد، احساس گوناه و خجالت، عدم ارتباط گیری سالم، و از دست دادن قدرت اعتماد به نفس, استفاده از مواد مخدر، الکل، دارو‌های خواب آور، خشونت، خود آذری، و یا ناهنجاری‌های دیگر چند نمونه از عواقب این جنایت نا شناخته در فرهنگ ما می‌باشد.

در صورت نرسیدن کمک به این باز مانده گان جنایت جنسی‌، صدا مات گاه غیر قابل جبران میشود.


شاد باشید

پوران پور اقبال



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رابطه احساسات با رشد مغز

پژوهش‌های هر چه گسترده تر امرزه در دانشگاه‌های معتبر آمریکا و اروپا به این نتیجه رسیده ا‌ند که، رابطه انسانی‌ عمل تشکل و سازماندهی مغز انسان است. اگر تا به حل مغز انسان مکان فرمان دهی‌ و کنترل فعالیتهای انسان شناخته میشد، اکنون، عواطف و روابط احساسی‌ مرکز توجه در این مهم است.

برای جهش و رشد فکری و یا تکامل مغز باید در نظر داشت که علایق و عواطف انسانی‌ نقش تعیین کننده دارند. امرزه دانشمندان میداند که مغز کودک با نگاه‌ها و توجه احساسی‌ مادر تنظیم میشود. در مورد تشکیل خانواده باید به این مساله رسیدگی شود که روحیه قوی و فکر با لنده در کودکان ما نه تنها با تحصیلات بلکه با روابط سالم در محیط خانواده بوجود میاید. رابطه انسانی‌ مرکز پخش و تقسیم انرژی و اطلاع عات است و هر یک نفر از افراد خانواده در این امر سهیم هستند. تمام عکسهای‌های مغزئ نشان میدهند که سلوهای مرده مغز قادر به ترمیم خود هستند فقط با کمک عواطف انسانی‌.

به همیم دلیل میشود نتیجه گرفت که کمبود محبت و توجه چه صدمات مغزئ و کنترل احساسی‌ بوجود میاورند. این مورد در روان درمانی بسیار مهم شناخته میشود: در اصل کمک به فرد برای کنترل احساس و عواطف سر خرده و یا پای مال شده. در واقع ناتوانی‌های روحی و عاطفی باعث مشکلات فکری و یا عاجز بودن از ایجاد و یا تنظیم یک رابطه سالم با محیط انسانی‌ میشوند. نداشتن مهارت‌های لازم برای کنار آمدن با مسائل زندگی‌ آنجا شروع میشوند که فرد و یا کودک ما از توجه و ارتباط عاطفی سالم محروم میماند. پدران و ما درنی که تعادل روحی ندارند و از روش‌های تنبیه، ناسزا گوی، بی‌ توجهی‌، و یا توهین به کودکان خود قصد تربیت ایشان را دارند، باید بداند که نه تنها مغز کودکان راه رشد خود را از دست میدهد، بلکه به اعتماد بنفس ایشان هم ضربه‌های جبران ناپذیری خو رده میشود.

باشد که در این مهم انجام وظیفه کنیم و بدانیم که داشتن یک زندگی‌ سالم در گرو روابط عاطفی سالم می‌باشد.

شاد باشید

پوران پور اقبال

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Search For A Clue

A long and interesting question led one or more readers to the middlepeace website:

“How can two people who have been abused have a healthy relationship?”

If the two partners in a relationship have been abused we can only imagine how hard it is for each one of them to help the relationship working. Why is that? Certainly each person is busy dealing with own pain and trauma.  The unresolved issues of abuse occupy the person’s mind to the degree that no energy is left for his / her partner.  Sometimes we are more or less resilient people, sometimes we have good support system in place, and sometimes we are just left out by ourselves.  In any case if you have been abused, neglected, abandoned, threatened, scared, and isolated, these are all reasons for seeking professional help.  You will not be able deal with these issues alone and not without help.

March 18, 2009
Poran Poregbal

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March 8, 2009

International women’s Day, March 8th was celebrated this year of 2009 in Vancouver, British Columbia with the hard work and efforts of the Iranian Women’s Cultural Society.
Again in the third year in a row, Kay Meek Center in West Vancouver was filled with Iranian women and men who came out to acknowledge women.

This evening was significant in order to remember women who have fought the odds of being a “female only.”   In our Iranian history we have numerous brave, courageous, and outspoken women who really battle their way into a human society.   This was a warm and joyful evening, appreciating Mrs. Fakhri Khorvash, a pioneer in the Iranian Theater and Cinema.
In our past century and even before that we know of many Iranian women who used their talents and skills to be part of a society that will only blossom when we let go of gender segregation.  Presentation about Mrs Khorvash showed us how we can be proud of calling ourselves Iranian.  She let go of her comfort zone to do what she liked to do.  She played hundreds of female characters who all wished to be emancipated and find their voice.

The presentation about the queen of Iranian Theater Mrs. Khorvash was clearly one sample of how many Iranian women try to be who they are.  It is unfortunate that in our Iranian culture we have not had a sense of appreciation for all our pioneers who fought to be singers, dancers, musicians, managers, writers, poets, movie directors, and artists in really unique ways.
Mr Ardalan Mofid set a positive and happy tone to this gathering by taking us to those women and men whose artistic work is admired greatly by the Iranian people in large.  This celebration came to be a night of reliving our recent history by calling out all the names of those who have left our physical world.
This evening was a successful gala.  Without a doubt there was a message of hope and optimism while there was a feeling for a community in the air.

March 8, 2009
Poran Poregbal
www.middlepeace.com

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Sofreh Haft-Sin


Softfreh Haft-Sin: Sir, Somag, Senjed, Sabzeh, Samanou, Sib, Serkeh.

This is a collection of seven objects that in our culture represent the coming spring for us.  These objects have symbolical meaning and metaphorical value for our tradition.  It is incredible that each one of these objects has something to do with health and longevity. Just considering the meaning behind this gathering of unrelated things, we can appreciate the connection of Nouroz to a pragmatic and optimistic style of life.  This is amazing how much this tradition is secular, hopeful, and holistic.
Significantly we add several other things such as Sekeh, Samavar, Sonbol in addition to mirror and candles.

Five days left to Nouroz

Poran Poregbal
www.middlepeace.com

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Nouroz Is A Style of Life


Did va bazdid = visit and re-visit

Nouroz is the time and visiting and re-visiting our loved ones while opening our doors to those who want to pay respect to us.
The beauty of Nouroz is the promise of a new year intertwined with new relationships.  The New Year and new life however require strengthening our old bonds as well as make new ones.  Nouroz is the natural drive and the health based motivation for keeping friendships alive.   We learn from our ancestors to visit elders or those we have not seen for a while.  In this ceremony we make the actual physical move to go and meet our loved ones.  The dynamic of visiting and revisiting our family, friends, and our acquaintances, has a peace promoting message.  The idea behind these Nouroz family gathering is to resolve any implicit conflict from the previous year and to create new bonds.

We have visits and we go back to revisit the same people, because this is only respectful to do so. Besides we make sure that we have paid our debt of receiving friendship.   We have to offer our alliance to people by making the effort and visit them in their home.  This thousand of year tradition is being kept alive by continuing the message of Nouroz, the notion of peace and real cheerfulness.

Five days left to Nouroz

Poran Poregbal
www.middlepeace.com

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Nouroz Greetings

We Iranians use various ways to greet one another. This is part of our culture and greeting is about paying respect. Nouroz  greeting however is really special, it has many elements of positive psychology.  This is something to  acknowledge and celebrate.

1.    Har roz Nouroz and Nouroz piroz = Everyday be Nouroz and Nouroz be successful
It is not a coincident that we Iranian use phrases such as this one.  Greeting is an important factor in our interpersonal relationships.  Specifically during Nouroz, We Iranian greet one another with kind words, mostly using future oriented well wishes.  When we wish that every day be Nouroz, we basically hope for growth and change in our everyday life.  By hoping for a successful Nouroz, we challenge ourselves to do our best to celebrate this ancient Persian tradition with our best resources.  We basically want to use our healthy oriented mind to celebrate spring and New Year that is filled of new hopes and new achievements.

2.    Emsal beh az in salha = this year may be better than these years.
Again we look forward and let go of the past.  We like to move on in our lives and build better life in future. This way of greeting is positive, healthy, and peaceful.

Five days left to Nouroz

Poran Poregbal
www.middlepeace.com

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This complex Concept of Aberoo

We Iranian live with a very complicated existential and culturally influenced concept called Aberoo.  Certainly this concept is known in other Persian speaking nations.  The notion of Aberoo impacts our daily life, physical and psychological health as well as our financial situation.   In any case the notion of Aberoo keeps us away of being honest, direct, straight forward, and correct.  For sure we damage our relationship with others because of the behaviors that Aberoo forces us to.   In some aspects this broad concept causes us pain and anxiety because our lives are defined many times by this concept.  We usually say: “If he/she/they know, then my Aberoo is gone.” What do we really refer to?

The word itself involves a vague sense of ambiguity and doubt.  Literally Aberoo can be defined as the water of face.  Keeping our face in all times and with any prise is what Aberoo leads us to.  We do not benefit by living with this fear based and self-destroying concept.  I believe we cannot find one positive element in Aberoo, a self-written script that simply censure us more than any other culturally rooted phenomenon.   In our Iranian families we are many times forbidden to speak up our minds because of Aberoo.   We stay away from seeking help and support because we fear our Aberoo is hurt.  What do we really mean by this way of behaving, thinking, and feeling?  We definitely do not gain anything, but we lose many things.
Our children usually ask us:

“What is Aberoo and why should I care about it?”  We Iranian parents often refer to it when we want our children be silent about family secrets or issues that may influence others perception of us.  We like to keep a facade and defend that picture at all costs.  We refer to Aberoo as a right to be known and viewed in a certain way.  We fear people judging us and knowing about our weaknesses.

It is important to use some tangible, comprehendible, and widespread type examples of Aberoo in order to describe what this concept is about.   Remember our tradition of hosting guests.  Some people will borrow money or use many ways of pretending to be richer than they are, to offer their guests good food that they do not afford.  Some people would buy expensive furniture to proof it to others how wealthy they are.  Some other people lie about their situations to keep up the face that in the first place is self-explanatory.   I believe there are many movies showing how families struggle to keep up the face whether it comes to financial status or social positions.  In any case we do anything to look better, more, larger, stronger, and more powerful.  Aberoo is exactly about letting go of ourselves for the sake of others.

I know one woman who battled breast cancer all by herself because of Aberoo.  This woman did not let anyone in her circle of friends and siblings to find out about her breast cancer, although people around her could see she is undergoing many changes.  There are many families who do not for instance talk about their addicted children or family member because of Aberoo.  We do know many women who suffer in the hands of abusive husbands and do not disclose what is going on due to Aberoo.  We can find numerous examples of how Aberoo limits us and how we let to live with fear because of Aberoo.
Why do we do this? Why do we insist on Aberoo?  This is a lengthy debate and needs time.

Poran Poregbal
March 12, 2009
www.middlepeace.com

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