Let’s see if we could evaluate our relationships?
In every relationship there are ways to fall into darkness of doubt and anger. Evaluation or checking out our ways of behaving in a relationship is a good measure for ourselves, if we are interested to know what is going on.
We can also evaluate how our partner’s behavior, thoughts, and acts impact us. If we honestly can answer these questions, then we should know what is right and wrong to do.
However if we believe we have concerns about our partner we may want to talk to some people and do not confront the person without having a plan for safety. These are just some ideas in assisting us to get to know our relationships.
Good questions to ask ourselves:
What is a partner (wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend) relationship?
How my relationship working / not working are and what does it mean to me/us?
How much do I love/praise/encourage/ like/dislike/hate/resent/tolerate my partner?
How much respect do I really have for my partner?
How much choice do I have in this relationship?
How my behaviors, thoughts, expressions, and emotions impact this relationship?
How much do I enjoy this relationship?
How do I wish to be seen by my partner?
How do I see my partner?
What kind of daily life do we have together?
How much efforts do each one of us put into this relationship?
How much our bigger families (parents, siblings, relatives) impact the quality/shape of our relationship?
How much do I let others (parents, siblings, relatives) intervene in my relationship?
How do I keep boundaries in my relationship? Me-us?
How much commonality do I have with our partner?
Where do I differ from my partner?
How do the differences between us make the quality of our life better/worse?
How much migration issues, adjustment problems, and separation from our home land have impacted my relationship with my partner?
What kind of culture my partner has?
What is my self-understanding of my own culture and how it has shaped me?
How much do I fight/argue/disagree/or agree?
How much do I respect the individual needs of the other?
What is that bothering me when we argue or fight?
What is the role of my child / children in my daily relationship with my partner?
In case of “fights” between us how do I protect my children?
What do I want to achieve by getting involved in fights?
Do I use any violence in dealing with our partner? How?
How do I keep the peace inside my home?
How do we individually and collectively deal with the relationship problems that happen in every home?
How much do I care about the needs of my partner?
Am I self-interested or relationship oriented?
What do I need of this relationship?
If we can answer these questions and be honest with ourselves, then we can improve a lot in our daily relationship with our partners and with everyone else….
July 21, 2007