What is effective parenting for us? How does it relate to us?
This is another topic where our Iranian culture lacks in!
We are good parents, we love our children, and everything we do is for our children! How do these statements sound to you?
How do we explain things to our children, how do we share our strengths and weaknesses as a parent or as parents?
Again I talk about US! Some people may say, No, I am the best parent in the world and this is not a fit category for me.
I say: we are very different people, but, when I talk about us, it is about the general Iranian culture of parenting, the traditions that have been raised with and some of us have been able to change and modify them in their own style of parenting!
Our general cultural understanding of parenting deepens on what family system we were raised in:
* democratic family system; parents ask children about their opinions and listen to them
* Authoritarian family system: parents (both of them or one of them) think that children have to obey, conform, and do what they say no matter what
* submissive family system: parents agree with everything children do and have no control over situations
* critical and judgmental family system: parents are critical of everything children do, no encouragement
* rigid family system: parents expect children to have same faith and force children to practice laws accordingly
* violent family system: one parent is abusive toward the other and as a result children wittiness violence, aggressive behavior, resentment, and abuse
* enmeshed family system: there is no rules and boundaries whatsoever, everyone get involved in the other’s life and many conflict happens because of that
These are just some of those forms of family system we have within our culture.
Of course, within our culture, parents are always parents for the children even in their adulthood.
Our adult children move out of family system when they marry (exception for the new trend within more wealthy & secular families), and personal boundaries are many time lose and not existing.
What can we do? We should learn, we should examine our old believes and new habits, in order to be the best parents we want to be.
We live in a world today, we can not hide anything from our children, as our parents did, they thought we were sleeping and we were not! We were listening!…………
Our children know if we are depressed or poor or lonely, they see other kids, compare their family system and wish they could have this and that family relationship!
Ask for help when you do no know what to do!
May 5, 2007